THERE’S a reason why stupid rhymes with cupid. You tend to do the stupidest of things when you are in love. Abha Kumar, 25, (name changed) clicked semi-nude pictures of herself and sent them to her commitment-phobic boyfriend without realising that the Internet is not a very safe place for naked pictures of a woman. One click and you are a porn star.
Five months after the act, Abha is very tensed up — the JNU MMS scandal proved to be an eye-opener for her. “I have been so stupid, I just wanted to attract his attention and get him to commit. But it didn’t help one bit. He was just interested in sex,” says Abha.
She had been cautious enough to instruct her friend to delete the pictures as soon as he got them, but some uncertainty still creeps in. “He is a good friend and I trust him. That’s why I sent him the pictures. It is a risk I have taken and I try not to think much about it. I just hope he has deleted them,” she says. Abha will have to live with her insecurities for the rest of her life.
Her story and the JNU MMS scandal story tell us about the new kinky hobby technology has gifted mankind – sex photography and videography.
But do couples realise the aftermath of their actions? In the recent JNU MMS scandal, the man who circulated the MMS of his girlfriend was apparently doing this to seek revenge from her.
He allegedly sent the CD to the girl’s husband. The student denies the allegations, but there have been other vengeful MMS cases and instances where obscene pictures and videos of exes were put up on the Internet.
BREACH OF TRUST
IT TOOK this reporter a lot of courage to browse the following websites: www.exgfpics.com/blog, www.postyourgfs.com and www.goodbyemydarling.com. These are some of the sites that serve as a platform for jilted lovers to avenge themselves — just post nude pictures of your ex and you have your revenge.
There’s a short story attached to all the pictures. One of them looked parliamentary enough to be printed: “This is Raúl’s sexy ex-girlfriend getting nude in front of the mirror. They had a pretty good relationship in the beginning, but then she changed. She suddenly got very clingy, like a borderline stalker.
If Raúl was out with his buddies, she would show up. If she didn’t know where he was, she would call him incessantly or wait for him to come home outside his place. He couldn’t deal with it anymore, so he cut her loose. But that was no easy task and another story.
Thanks, man!” It takes a single click of a button to ruin a life. And more often than not it is the woman who bears the brunt. How many times have we heard of women putting up nude pictures of their ex (except for once maybe when a spurned woman sold her cheating husband’s underwear on eBay, but that was in Australia)?
“In a patriarchal society like ours, it is very easy to character- assassinate a woman,” says Dr Sandeep Vohra, senior consultant psychiatrist, Apollo Hospital. Men are more revengeful, impulsive and egoistic and are bad at accepting rejection,” says Vohra, who has dealt with cases where men become revengeful after rejection.
“Recently I had counselled a girl who broke up with her boyfriend and the guy wrote all sorts of things against the girl on a social networking site,” says Vohra.
A woman should not engage in such acts unless she is in a committed relationship and trusts the man completely, cautions Vohra.
CLICK DELETE
DR V.K. Wadia, consultant - psycho-sexual medicine, Adiva Infertility Centre, says he has handled at least three cases where women have just given in to being filmed by men just in order to make them happy. “It is true that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex,” says Wadia.
Varun Dabur, 30-year-old software professional, admits to have made video-clips of him and his fiancée engaging in sexual acts. But he is extra cautious while doing so. “We just record the clip, watch it and quickly delete it. We don’t believe in keeping these as mementos. We have other happy memories to capture on our camera,” says Dabur. Storing private video-clips and pictures on the phone camera can be quite dangerous.
“Most of the time, sex clips are leaked from the phone. If the phone conks off and you give it to the service centre, the people at the centre will have access to all your data,” informs an official of a phone manufacturing company.
AN APHRODISIAC
TO SOME, it may seem to be a form of perversion. But everyone has his or her own definition of perversion. “Brain is the biggest sex organ of the body. And some people can get a kick out of watching themselves engaged in a sexual act,” says Wadia.
Sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari tells us that getting pictures clicked or making videos is not a new phenomenon. “Earlier when we didn’t have digital cameras, couples used to put mirrors in their bedrooms to see how they look while having sex,” says Kothari. With technology we evolved to Polaroid cameras that gave us instant pictures, video cameras and now digital cameras.
“It acts as an aphrodisiac for most people. They get a kick out of watching themselves,” he says. But Dr Kothari has never really suggested it to anyone. “It is a double-edged sword. In the hands of a surgeon, it saves a life, but if it goes into the wrong hands, it takes a life,” he adds.
Posting lewd pictures and videos by breaching someone’s trust becomes a habit. “It is because of the clandestine nature of the act that people get hooked to it. You get gratification out of taking risks. People who indulge in such activities know that the consequences would be damaging to someone else’s reputation,” says Dr Jitendra Nagpal, senior consultant psychiatrist, VIMHANS.
It reflects a larger malady. It shows that people these days are not comfortable with their sexuality. “If you are not comfortable with your own sexuality, you cannot respect the other person’s sexuality either,” adds Nagpal.
There’s nothing wrong with clicking sex pictures or making sex videos, the real problem starts when the whole world comes to know about your bedroom secrets. And such secrets are hard to erase from public memory. We still remember the DPS MMS case of 2004. It was probably the first most shocking MMS to hit the headlines.
Since then there have been several MMSes that have been leaked by jilted boyfriends. There were some instances in which the girls fought back. In 2009, a girl from a Noida BSchool confronted her ex for posting their sex video on the Net. But then, there were others like the girl in a Siliguri Polytechnic in West Bengal who killed herself when her boyfriend uploaded their sex video on the web.
Five months after the act, Abha is very tensed up — the JNU MMS scandal proved to be an eye-opener for her. “I have been so stupid, I just wanted to attract his attention and get him to commit. But it didn’t help one bit. He was just interested in sex,” says Abha.
She had been cautious enough to instruct her friend to delete the pictures as soon as he got them, but some uncertainty still creeps in. “He is a good friend and I trust him. That’s why I sent him the pictures. It is a risk I have taken and I try not to think much about it. I just hope he has deleted them,” she says. Abha will have to live with her insecurities for the rest of her life.
Her story and the JNU MMS scandal story tell us about the new kinky hobby technology has gifted mankind – sex photography and videography.
But do couples realise the aftermath of their actions? In the recent JNU MMS scandal, the man who circulated the MMS of his girlfriend was apparently doing this to seek revenge from her.
He allegedly sent the CD to the girl’s husband. The student denies the allegations, but there have been other vengeful MMS cases and instances where obscene pictures and videos of exes were put up on the Internet.
BREACH OF TRUST
IT TOOK this reporter a lot of courage to browse the following websites: www.exgfpics.com/blog, www.postyourgfs.com and www.goodbyemydarling.com. These are some of the sites that serve as a platform for jilted lovers to avenge themselves — just post nude pictures of your ex and you have your revenge.
There’s a short story attached to all the pictures. One of them looked parliamentary enough to be printed: “This is Raúl’s sexy ex-girlfriend getting nude in front of the mirror. They had a pretty good relationship in the beginning, but then she changed. She suddenly got very clingy, like a borderline stalker.
If Raúl was out with his buddies, she would show up. If she didn’t know where he was, she would call him incessantly or wait for him to come home outside his place. He couldn’t deal with it anymore, so he cut her loose. But that was no easy task and another story.
Thanks, man!” It takes a single click of a button to ruin a life. And more often than not it is the woman who bears the brunt. How many times have we heard of women putting up nude pictures of their ex (except for once maybe when a spurned woman sold her cheating husband’s underwear on eBay, but that was in Australia)?
“In a patriarchal society like ours, it is very easy to character- assassinate a woman,” says Dr Sandeep Vohra, senior consultant psychiatrist, Apollo Hospital. Men are more revengeful, impulsive and egoistic and are bad at accepting rejection,” says Vohra, who has dealt with cases where men become revengeful after rejection.
“Recently I had counselled a girl who broke up with her boyfriend and the guy wrote all sorts of things against the girl on a social networking site,” says Vohra.
A woman should not engage in such acts unless she is in a committed relationship and trusts the man completely, cautions Vohra.
CLICK DELETE
DR V.K. Wadia, consultant - psycho-sexual medicine, Adiva Infertility Centre, says he has handled at least three cases where women have just given in to being filmed by men just in order to make them happy. “It is true that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex,” says Wadia.
Varun Dabur, 30-year-old software professional, admits to have made video-clips of him and his fiancée engaging in sexual acts. But he is extra cautious while doing so. “We just record the clip, watch it and quickly delete it. We don’t believe in keeping these as mementos. We have other happy memories to capture on our camera,” says Dabur. Storing private video-clips and pictures on the phone camera can be quite dangerous.
“Most of the time, sex clips are leaked from the phone. If the phone conks off and you give it to the service centre, the people at the centre will have access to all your data,” informs an official of a phone manufacturing company.
AN APHRODISIAC
TO SOME, it may seem to be a form of perversion. But everyone has his or her own definition of perversion. “Brain is the biggest sex organ of the body. And some people can get a kick out of watching themselves engaged in a sexual act,” says Wadia.
Sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari tells us that getting pictures clicked or making videos is not a new phenomenon. “Earlier when we didn’t have digital cameras, couples used to put mirrors in their bedrooms to see how they look while having sex,” says Kothari. With technology we evolved to Polaroid cameras that gave us instant pictures, video cameras and now digital cameras.
“It acts as an aphrodisiac for most people. They get a kick out of watching themselves,” he says. But Dr Kothari has never really suggested it to anyone. “It is a double-edged sword. In the hands of a surgeon, it saves a life, but if it goes into the wrong hands, it takes a life,” he adds.
Posting lewd pictures and videos by breaching someone’s trust becomes a habit. “It is because of the clandestine nature of the act that people get hooked to it. You get gratification out of taking risks. People who indulge in such activities know that the consequences would be damaging to someone else’s reputation,” says Dr Jitendra Nagpal, senior consultant psychiatrist, VIMHANS.
It reflects a larger malady. It shows that people these days are not comfortable with their sexuality. “If you are not comfortable with your own sexuality, you cannot respect the other person’s sexuality either,” adds Nagpal.
There’s nothing wrong with clicking sex pictures or making sex videos, the real problem starts when the whole world comes to know about your bedroom secrets. And such secrets are hard to erase from public memory. We still remember the DPS MMS case of 2004. It was probably the first most shocking MMS to hit the headlines.
Since then there have been several MMSes that have been leaked by jilted boyfriends. There were some instances in which the girls fought back. In 2009, a girl from a Noida BSchool confronted her ex for posting their sex video on the Net. But then, there were others like the girl in a Siliguri Polytechnic in West Bengal who killed herself when her boyfriend uploaded their sex video on the web.
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