How To Inspire Your Spouse

by davidlpatrick
21 Oct 2010

A couple days ago I wrote to men admonishing them to be leaders in the home via inspiration rather than domination. A commenter called me to the carpet to do more than admonish but to explain “how” to inspire. It was a great question considering I probably would have asked the same thing. Mainly inspirations takes it rooted place in actions before words. Plato says, “Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.” So here are some ways I could think of that would help to inspire our spouses (especially as men). This is where I landed after giving it some thought, being mindful that this is an area that I am still trying to perfect myself.

Without further ado: How to Inspire Your Spouse:

1. Do What You Say: Ask anybody what makes for a great leader and chances are that there will be some mention that their words and actions match. When you do what you say you are going to do people believe they can trust you.
2. Respect Your Spouses Opinion: Your spouse’s opinion is no less important than your own. Give the same weight and attention to what she has to say as you expect her to give to your opinion. And really listen.
3. Don’t Argue That The Sky is Green: At some point in competing discussions we can sometimes recognize that we are wrong. Just admit it. Why are you arguing a point for the sake of winning? Admitting you are wrong will build your credibility.
4. Be (consistently) the change you want to see. (And don’t be a martyr): If you want to “inspire” change in your household, you start the change. Don’t make a big deal out of it either. If you are making the change and treating it like you are being nailed to the cross, why would you expect your spouse to make a change?
5. Not Speaking From Your Own Self-Interest: A big challenge starting out in marriage (and throughout if it’s not resolved) is dealing with the compulsion to speak from your own self-interest. How can you build credibility if your spouse can’t trust that you are looking out for their self-interest.
6. Don’t Assume Your Spouse Is Speaking From Ill-Will or Self-Interest:
7. Give in to their idea every once in a while: A good leader knows what battles to fight and which not to fight. Sometimes it’s just not that big a deal to simply go along with your spouse’s idea without putting up a discussion.

These tips don’t seem like they would be for inspiring someone to follow your lead, but what these do is build your credibility to your spouse. If they don’t trust you they won’t hear what you have to say. If your spouse believes that you are just trying to get your own way, they won’t believe that your advice is for the benefit of the couple.

Your turn… How do you inspire your spouse? What can your spouse do to inspire you